Choose You Blog

The title of this post is a quote by Spencer Johnson, who wrote the 1998 motivational book, titled Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life. That’s a really useful book for people like me who require a certain amount of transition time. You know, to adjust. Because why? Because initially, you see, change feels a little worrisome. I’d like to say this is about personality type but I think, actually, it’s simply being human.

I used to think I was amazingly resilient and flexible, always an OK! GO! kind of person. I thought I leapt and took chances and was ready to see new places, experience new things. I got this impression in childhood, largely I think because my parents always told me I was resilient and adaptable. But upon reflection, they are very biased sources: they needed desperately for me to be. We moved often. I attended four elementary schools. In six years. Two middle schools. In three years. I was always the new kid, and anyone who has ever been always the new kid moving into a stable community understands you must become a person who goes with the flow, personality notwithstanding. Also, my parents kept changing their own circumstances. First they were married. Then they were divorced. Then they remarried other people. Then one divorced. And so on. My father kept up the moving, too. I will be recalling a memory and start with, “Remember that great hearth room in the Georgia house?” And my father will say, “No, no that was Kansas.” And I will say, “I loved the pocket parks there in Kansas!” and my stepmother will say, “Oh no that was Wisconsin!”

So my memories are also a little suspect.

When my daughter was born, I expected it to be another change I’d weather easily. I had managed for over 30 years to maintain the convenient fiction that I was an instantly adaptable person, you see. So one day when I was crying in a rocking chair I was surprised: what was this stress? It was the manifestation and overflow of ignorance of need. Read the rest of this entry »

You would have walked right by us— 3 women standing in the aisle of the supermarket having a conversation over our shopping carts.

Women of a certain age, we’ve passed beyond desirable demographics—mostly not given a second glance— or a second chance.

Supposedly, we’re invisible…. presumably to fade away into the sunset.

Only someone forgot to tell us.

No one told all the women starting new careers, new businesses and new lives well after 50—including me.

No one told the two women I ran into in the grocery store.

Though we’re just casual acquaintances, the conversation shifted immediately into intimacy.

One just did a major glamification —-makeup, hair, clothes, and losing a lot of weight.

The other woman also recently shed a huge weight—-her husband of 35 years.

They’re happy.  Exuberant.  Loving life.  Loving who they are.

Most importantly—they’re not looking back.  They’re looking ahead.

I spent today grouting (the only part of making mosaics I don’t love).   After standing for 8 hours bending over a table, I thought my back muscles might never recover.  Thinking about all the things I’m doing to start my new mosaic business-– physically and mentally—at dinner I started to tell my husband, maybe I’m too old to be doing this.

Then I immediately realize— this is exactly what I want to be doing right now.  I’m busy, I’m healthy, I’m looking ahead-–not back.

As if to validate the thought,  one hour later, my back felt fine.

And further validation came the next morning when I read  a new study done by Cheerios. Most Americans feel postitive, not negative, when they turn 50—and they’re looking ahead to what the future holds.    They think 50 is an important time to focus on their health.  And 77% of Americans feel younger at 50 than they thought they would.

It’s the perfect time to Choose You.

This is not another dog post. This is a love story post. This is an unconditional love and support post. But it does involve a dog.

I was talking to my friend Morra the other day and she said, “I never worry about your dog.” I think I must have once again been talking about my dog, which seems to happen at least as often as I talk about my kids. What she meant, of course, was that my pets have a lush life indeed, and it’s true. I come by it honestly, though, because we have a family saying in my family, “When I die I hope I come back as one of my dad’s pets.”

My family’s pets live the good life, it’s true, but we consider that as it ought to be. Why bring in a pet, such as a dog, if you don’t plan to care for it properly? This includes training, walking and exercise, interaction, and most of all, love. Pets are good for us, when we’re good to them.

Pets have long been lauded in health care, particularly dogs:

• Research shows that caring for an animal can improve your mental and physical well-being—they can also help reduce stress and blood pressure in owners, increase longevity in those who’ve had heart attacks, and even relax and improve the appetites of Alzheimer’s patients.
• Dogs help wounded warriors heal at military hospitals
• Dogs make great therapists, psychological and occupational and physical, and have even been used for learning disabilities. My dog used to work with children, actually, as a therapy dog. These kids had mostly learning and developmental disabilities. That’s how awesome my dog is.
• Dogs can even smell cancer. No really, Google it: cancer sniffing dog.

Read the rest of this entry »

I only live my own life. However, as with most people, I seem to believe this qualifies me to weigh other people’s lives. Very often, other people seek my advice and this indicates to me that they, too, believe me qualified to weigh their lives. I may often be bewildered about how to manage my own life, but everyone else’s life is crystal clear path-wise.

Okay not really. But I said all that as a bit of a caveat. Because I’m going to judge you.

I know, harsh irony after my Modern Woman’s Dilemma-All Girls Together-I’m Okay, You’re Okay last post. Still…I’d like to shoot a few holes in a popular “why I can’t exercise” excuse.

Whenever people hear that I walk, briskly, every day (Get Active pledge) they often say, “I don’t know how you do it,” or “I’d like to exercise but I can’t find the time.”

Yes, you can and actually, you must. I know you know exercise is good for your health and you know all the benefits exercise brings. I know you know you need to do it. But if you still aren’t and if you are claiming lack of time, I’m going to get tough: CHOOSE YOU and MAKE THE TIME.

The hardest part is getting started. The corollary excuses behind “lack of time” are “too tired” and “don’t feel well” and “I don’t want to add in another thing” and “last thing I want to do after a long day is get active.” It’s hard to make the time and push through the mental roadblocks. But let me tell you a few things I get from exercise:

1. Happy — yes, the endorphin rush is no myth. I have sluggish days and days I have to push through but I’m always glad I do.

2. Stress relief — the last thing I want to do on a busy, long day is miss my exercise. I need the stress relief. Whether I walk with friends or solo listening to my music, a book on tape, or a favorite podcast, this Me Time is my salvation.

3. Migraine/Headache cure — ahh the joy of middle-aged hormones and living in a frequent fluctuating barometric pressure system region. I’ve begun getting headaches and migraines. My type of migraines are not chronic or due to a serious condition, and can easily be managed. But I find that exercise increases my oxygen levels and this is known to help headaches. As is, oddly enough, the constantly moist air here. As long as you inhale it deeply.

4. Companionship — I’ve been walking with friends lately and it’s been a great way to “kill two birds with one stone” so to speak. With two kids, work, a busy life, activities, and all that modern life entails, I have sometimes found myself hitting a stretch where I feel really disconnected from friends. Walking with a friend gives me a chance to catch up, get support, and wow, the time really flies.

5. Weight control — yes, I’m vain. I like to be in my target weight range. I like myself better. We could dissect that or we could all admit that looking healthy, which happens to generally be more attractive, does matter. But, there is a good side to this vanity: it drives me. And, in fact, that’s important:

“Researchers say a little more time or effort might pay off in weight control for women who are already biking or walking for exercise – or who want to start. At the Harvard School of Public Health, Anne Lusk saw it in data on almost 18,500 premenopausal women.

Lusk says women walkers who picked up the pace and walked briskly had a lot better chance of holding off the weight gain that typically comes as women get older.”

Read the rest of this entry »

I know, I know.

Putting those two words together is so wrong on  so many levels.

Although food is a perfect source of nourishment and nutrition and pleasure…. for comfort, you’re better off with a teddy bear.

Personally I always found chocolate more cuddly.  

 Plus one of my mom’s most lasting lessons is that everything feels better once you’ve had an ice cream soda.

It always worked for me.  

But  my son pulled the plug on the family tradition ….and I agreed to seek comfort elsewhere.

Since I signed up for Choose You,  I’ve  cut down my sugar intake.

Although certain occasions call for chocolate.

And due to some unforeseen circumstances, lately I’ve felt the need for a little more comfort than usual.

I well know—and so does UPS— what brown can do for you.    So twice three times in the last week, I decided to go for it.

I’ll leave the details to your imagination. 

Anyway, the results were surprising.

And I can’t decide if it’s good news or bad news:   my comfort food wasn’t nearly as comforting.

Today, I was talking with a local reporter who was interested in my Choose You story. I told her to tell people to come here to the blog. “We’re not perfect and we don’t try to be,” I said, “We’re just human beings and we’re sharing the true story, with its ups and downs, of trying to make better health choices. At no point do we hold ourselves up as icons of perfect health perfection.”

Not at all. We’re here and we’re committed but we’re also fallible, as this summer proved for me. This summer I had a (wonderfully) heavy work schedule and a lot of business traveling. But, it had its downside for my Choose You commitments. I went from regular 5 day a week minimum exercise and a solid diet to grabbing what food I could when I could while on the fly (literally) and throwing in some weak excuses for exercise. I did pool laps a few times in hotel pools, considered walking instead of taking a taxi my daily quota, threw in some yoga, and so forth. And that’s about it. I was tired, so I tended to eat a little more, especially heavier meals such as lots of protein, and I was overall really inconsistent in keeping my plate balanced with the necessary food groups.

Worst of all, my vanity prompted me to postpone my follow-up skin cancer appointment. I knew the cryosurgery on my nose had failed and I didn’t want to manage all of my summer engagements, many of which required me to speak to groups, with a big ugly scabby nose. I also didn’t want to have to explain it all the time.

I started castigating myself but then, all of the sudden, I thought, “You know what, I did my best.”

I tried to eat the best I could while traveling. I made sure to drink water, and I kept up my sunscreen use. I exercised when I could.

As a woman, if I open up my ears, I can find myself under a constant barrage of messages all around me that scream how much self-improvement I require. One ad tells me I need a douche to advance in my career, another wants me to apply a chemical to make my lashes grow. Other commercials tell me about drugs I can take to burn my fat, get rid of my cellulite, erase my wrinkles, plump my lips, change my style, use a new product on my hair…and ACK! Enough! It can overwhelm a person until she thinks what’s the point, I can never achieve that perfection!

Time to call for OmegaWoman! I’m good enough, smart enough, and people like me! Ha! The point, really, is that I don’t need to achieve a prescribed perfection, I don’t need to look like the women in the ads or have or not have things products can “fix” (allegedly). I just need to be my personal best.

So, I’m back on my program. I have fat free sorbet in the freezer because life without ice cream is a sad place, I have my healthy food choices in the house, and we’re back to a regular schedule so I’m back to exercising every day. It’s pretty good.

Anyway, who wants to be Perfect Woman, as prescribed by media barrage: